Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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