I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
