You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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