You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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