my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
you inspire me to be a worse person
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
