I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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