he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
