Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
