she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
