Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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