fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
