Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
