I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize