the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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