She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I will be naked everywhere
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
