Your face is a jimmy john
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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