Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
