every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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