now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
