i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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