coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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