Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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