I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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