I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
