I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
