He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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