You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
