3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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