I can text with my tongue
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
