Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
