so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
oh god the rape fog is back!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
