I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
