my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
