so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you had me at cake vodka
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize