"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
