I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Ketchup is God's man juice
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
