i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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