So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize