a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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