i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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