i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
