After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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