Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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