Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
