Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
