just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
