Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize