Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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