so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
