my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
