You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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