I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
