she was so not down for the gang bang
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
