I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
