I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
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