if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
