i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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