I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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