I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We need to rekindle our bromance
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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