called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
