The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
