I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You are the jesus of drinking
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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