new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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