He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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