In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
