were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
