Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
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I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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