My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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