So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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