Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
