Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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