you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
