both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize