I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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