just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
