He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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