All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize