And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
