Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
my being single is dangerous.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
sex in a hospital.. check
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Randomize
